Growing up, I believed that people were generally good and were trying to do good. It wasn’t hard to have that belief when the world seemed to be getting progressively better (and generally, it is).

So, when people I thought were good criticized me as I grew up, I concluded that something was wrong with me (see Imposter Syndrome).

One of the consequences of my last significant relationship was dropping the belief that people were good. It simplified expectations for so many others in my life.

During the summer, a friend challenged my belief, as they believe that people are generally good. I wasn’t convinced. It would explain the general improvement in society, but it isn’t the only explanation.

Instead, during a Brene Brown podcast, I heard, ‘People are doing the best they can.’ While I am not into her religious convictions, this was much more interesting (and compelling).

I won’t use the God argument she relies on. I don’t think it is necessary. I’ve broken it down into parts to better understand others and myself.

The idea and impact of people trying their best are well expressed in The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos: Simple Ways to Feel Great Every Day – with Dr Rangan Chatterjee.

An ex said this to me near the end of our relationship:

This sounds pithy, but with some thought, it is disappointing.

Let me illustrate: you are the common factor in your…

• Successes
• Meals
• Travels
• Relationships (all of them!)

That is what ‘you’ and ‘your’ mean. It’s a tautology.

Using ‘you’ suggests the person is the problem, which isn’t informative or helpful. I think ‘Failure is the common factor in all your failed relationships’ focuses on what to investigate. This distinguishes being from doing, the distinction between ‘I am happy’ and ‘I am feeling happy.’